Feeling fiesty
I'm definitely on edge these days. This weekend my boyfriend and I had a spat that should have been nothing but turned into our first real fight. I'm sure part of the reason it got out of hand was that I've gone so long without an orgasm and I'm just not used to all the tension that goes with that. As much as I love the feeling of hunger, and as much as I love being denied for his enjoyment, at this point I am feeling stressed and even physically uncomfortable. Sexual thoughts intrude into my day to day life all the time and then, when I do have sex, all I can think about is my need to cum. My pussy aches constantly and I feel tense and edgy. Being denied is starting to distract from my enjoyment of lovemaking and it's starting to get in the way of my relationship.
After we calmed down, Paul and I talked about this and we've decided that I've gone long enough. Unfortunately when we worked all this out, we had run out of time together for the weekend. Paul said he'd still like to have final say on when I cum and that he wanted to keep it a mystery still. However, he promised me that it would be this week or this coming weekend at the latest.
I feel a mixture of relief and disappointment. I really like the idea of being denied long term... even indefinitely. But the reality of doing that is hard; as I'm sure everyone here knows. I realize that I have to work myself up to these longer intervals (I've almost gone twice as long as my previous record) but I still wish that I could endure long denials *now* without the difficult side effects.
Cumming will feel good, though. I have to admit I like that idea. Now that we've decided that I should cum, I want to do it as soon as possible!
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I often wonder about a realit
I often wonder about a reality where I could simply not cum without first obtaining permission from my partner and what that would be like. But a big part of the incentive and importance of this activity, especially for my dominant partner, she has told me, is that it is precisely the fact that I can but don't grant myself the relief I want. It makes the denial not merely something that is happening to me, but an afirmation of my comittment, devortion, love, and obedience to her every single time I have the opportunity but don't give in.
That said, I'm totally with you on wanting to be able to go long-term and just have that be easy. :)
-maymay
You're doing good
Congrats on doubling you time.. you are doing well. I noticed in your last post that you pretty much perfectly described the feelings of sacred sexuality.
"Our emotional connection substitutes somewhat for my physical release" caught me more than anything. I find that connection with another to be the most important thing in long term / indefinite denial. As far as feeling edgy, there is nothing better you can do than to be able to spend more loving time with your partner. The tension you build can cause bursts of erratic behavior, but it can also bring you two closer together.
Personally, I can't manage more than a week away from my partner before I start to spiral out of control. The emotional aspects are much more complicated and harder to manage than the physical.
Glad that you are taking it slowly and realizing your own limits. Keep pushing them, and they will grow. You could try doubling each time.
And you could always think about getting your partner to try denial too. If both of you are sharing the same feelings, it is easier to understand one another and the emotional roller coaster that can happen at times is easier to manage.
Strangely, taking this step was harder for me than extending my own denial. I had become addicted to my partner's release more than my own. But now we find balance and just pure pleasure in each other's company.
As far as your need to cum - if you think about it, really, you are not seeking to cum, you are seeking more pleasure. Orgasm is the end result of pleasure. The longer you can hold off orgasm, the more pleasure you will experience. And every time you go without orgasm, the further into the pleasurable state of bliss you will go. Yes, orgasm would always bring more pleasure - but only temporarily. If instead, you wait, next time, you can feel so much closer to orgasm for so much longer that it makes going without the orgasm last time worthwhile.
The trick to indefinite denial, from a purely physical aspect, is to always seek more pleasure - in your next sexual experience. How you deal with that emotionally over time determines how far you can go.
waiting longer brings more pleasure
Kelly is so right about the longer you can hold off the more pleasure you will feel, i'm on my 6th week of denial and just holding my woman's hand gives me a great feeling so try to hang in there.
How are you doing, lucy?
How is it going, lucy? Have you been given an orgasm yet? Any news??
gnd
An update.
Hello! Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Too distracted, I guess.
Anyway... I haven't had an orgasm yet; 43 days now. As I said earlier, the plan was for me to get an orgasm last week. However, I started feeling a bit better balanced as the week wore on and so, after much discussion, my boyfriend decided that I should wait until Valentine's Day as orginally planned.
Overall I've been doing okay. I have good days and difficult days. The difficult days can be good too, although in a different way. I have lots of sexual energy and I try to find "safe" ways to channel it. I don't do much overt masturbation on my own these days because it is much too easy for that to get out of hand. However, I do spend time each day just being naked and stroking my body in various ways. I penetrate myself some, but I don't touch my clit hardly at all. It might not sound like much, but it's enough to get me very worked up and it feels really good.
I spent this past weekend with Paul but we didn't have sex as much as we sometimes do. His son was visiting as well so our lovemaking was confined to the later part of Friday and Saturday evening after his son was in bed. Lately Paul hasn't gone out of his way to tease me. He knows I am very needy and don't require much in the way of teasing to get extremely aroused. We make love like pretty much anyone else. We do lots of mutual pleasuring except that I just don't get to cum. In fact it's been so long since I've cum during sex that I've almost stopped wishing for it. At least that's how I felt this weekend. I think this is a good thing, though, because it tells me that I could, perhaps, learn to live this way indefinitely. At least at some point. I would love that.
That said, I am very much looking forward to cumming this Wednesday. In fact, I don't think I've ever looked forward to an orgasm more. Paul has told me that I will only be getting one orgasm and that it will probably be several more weeks until my next one. I am very happy about this. I hope an orgasm will take away enough of the tension to help me continue in a mostly denied state. Paul used to talk about making me cum lots now and then but he seems to have forgotten about that. However, I admit that the idea of cumming just once after waiting so long scares me as well as excites me. I'm not sure how it's going to feel, but I guess I'll find out soon.
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts on this. Thanks especially to kellys. As usual your insights are very helpful to me.
The weather is supposed to be bad this Wednesday. I sure hope it doesn't prevent Paul and I from getting together. I know he won't let me cum on my own. Anyway I just like hanging out with him.
orgasm
Sounds like were in the same boat Lucy, I'ts been since jan 1st for me as well, hope you get to have your orgasm on wed as planned..I should be having mine on saturday and will break my own record for denial, don't worry just enjoy ..see how long it takes for your man to make you cum try to hold off as long as you can,when I'm pleasuring my wife I tell her to hold off as long as she can and for every minute she does I will wait 2 days without cumming so I work very hard to make her cum however I can, one time she lasted 15 minutes...oh lucky me... but now shes been waiting for almost 3 weeks so it shouldn't take very long as for me were talking 48 days hope I don't cum watching her get undressed lol. Grader
Orgasm!
There was a huge storm here on Valentine's Day... and I do mean huge. Over three feet of snow fell in many areas. Needless to say the entire region was shut down on Wednesday and many places remained closed on Thursday as well while the digging out continued.
Paul was planning on coming over Wednesday night and, after 45 days of denial, I was going to finally get to cum. I was terribly disappointed when I saw the weather since I figured there would be no chance he'd try to 1.5 hour trip (under normal conditions) from his place to mine. However, the gods were smiling on me because around 10:00am I got a call from him telling me that he was heading out the door for my house. I worried about him for the next three hours (!) until his car finally pulled into my snow covered driveway.
I was intensely horny for him (45 days without an orgasm will do that, as all of you well know) so after he got warmed up and settled in a bit I was all over him. He was fine with that and soon we were naked and he was masturbating me on the couch in my living room. I expected him to draw things out and tease me for a while but instead he did just the opposite. He told me that today was my day and that I was going to get to cum as much as I wanted. This was different than what he said before... perhaps the craziness of the storm changed his mind. Or perhaps it was his intention all along.
In any case, I found myself racing toward orgasm. Yet as I got close to cumming I almost instinctively relaxed and tried to back away from the impending climax. Paul actually had to remind me that I could cum... that I should cum... that I MUST cum. With that help, I exploded into my first orgasm of 2007.
God... I almost forgot how good they were! As I've experienced before my first post-denial orgasm was exceptionally long lasting. It was also strong. However, the most intense sensation was not the pleasure of cumming but rather the incredible feeling of release---and relief. It was like a dam broke and all this sensation just poured out of me.
After #1, Paul continued to masturbate me and I rapidly started to peak again. I looked at him to make sure it was okay and he just nodded and said, "go ahead and cum again." And I did. Oh wow, did I ever! It was incredibly intense. It was one of those I-think-I-might-pass-out-from-the-pleasure kind of orgasms that I've only gotten at the end of other denial periods.
So that was the beginning of what proved to be a very orgasm-filled day for me. We ended up having sex several times between clearing snow, preparing dinner, and other such things. Paul teased me some, but never for long and he always rewarded me with one or more cums each time we played in bed (or where ever we played!). I lost track of how many times I came, but he didn't. At the end of the evening, when I felt like I had enough, he told me that I had "only" cum 12 times and that I should have two more to make it 14 times for February 14. With the help of his loving hands and my trusty vibrator I got those last two orgasms without any problem. They felt great too.
Thursday morning we still had to dig out and it was hours before things were cleared enough to go anywhere. We had no choice but to have more sex. What else could we do? :-) I didn't cum quite so much on Thursday, but I did enjoy several more. It was great.
The storm has passed and I now feel very relaxed and content. Paul has reversed the rules and now I'm required to masturbate to three orgasms per day. I've done my three for tonight (I did four actually) and I must admit that I'm going to enjoy this new situation quite a lot. :-)
Happy new year!
Cum factory
This is very awesome to hear. I'm glad you were able to have so many wonderful orgasms! You must be feeling quite satisfied now. I wonder what his intentions are with the reversed rules. Enjoy them while you can! It sounds like you have become a cum factory :)
Three feet?
Three feet of snow? That sounds familiar. You don't happen to live in northern New England by any chance?
Anyway congratulations on going so long without orgasm. It sounds like you were well rewarded in the end. Enjoy your cums while you can. My guess is that you'll be denied again before long.