lucy_k's blog

Hi Everyone!

I know I haven't been around for a while. I apologize for that. Life got distracting. I guess it happens. As I told a couple of people in the chat room, my relationship with Paul ended recently. In fact, I'm still working out some of those feelings. We started out great, but our connection was a flash in the pan... it fizzled out almost as quickly as it started.

Anyway, I don't want to clutter up the board with too much self pity. I'm here and I hope to get active again. I haven't really been properly denied since my 45 day interval ended last Valentine's Day. (Long story... more self pity). Now that I'm my own person I hope to get back into it. My last orgasm was Friday night. It's day two right now and I'm already starting to feel it!

I'm definitely on edge these days. This weekend my boyfriend and I had a spat that should have been nothing but turned into our first real fight. I'm sure part of the reason it got out of hand was that I've gone so long without an orgasm and I'm just not used to all the tension that goes with that. As much as I love the feeling of hunger, and as much as I love being denied for his enjoyment, at this point I am feeling stressed and even physically uncomfortable. Sexual thoughts intrude into my day to day life all the time and then, when I do have sex, all I can think about is my need to cum. My pussy aches constantly and I feel tense and edgy. Being denied is starting to distract from my enjoyment of lovemaking and it's starting to get in the way of my relationship.

Tonight I've been 30 days without orgasm. In another couple of days I will have gone a whole month. I feel proud of myself for this accomplishment, but I also know that the support I've gotten from my boyfriend, as well as from this site, has had a lot to do with my success. Thanks to all of you.

I've gone much longer without an orgasm now than at any other time since I started masturbating 25+ years ago. Yet I also feel more sexual now than I ever have before. I get aroused extremely easily and even when I'm not aroused, I feel this powerful sexual energy in my body just waiting to explode to the surface. I'm damp most of the time and get soaking wet at the slightest erotic stimulation. Even an affectionate glance from my boyfriend across the table at a restaurant makes my pussy hungry.

I've been almost 23 days now without an orgasm. Some days are fine but other days I feel like I'm going crazy. Today was one of those days. Last night I was awakened by a sexual dream. I find that I have them frequently when I'm denied. This time I couldn't remember the dream very clearly. I just know that it involved Paul, my boyfriend, and another woman. When I awoke, I felt extremely aroused and I was drenching wet. I touched myself... I couldn't help it. I knew it wasn't a smart idea but it felt too good to resist. After just a few strokes on my clit I was on the verge of orgasm. I hovered there and seriously considered just letting myself cum. I thought about doing it and not telling anyone. Who would know? I was in bed by myself. It would feel so good, and I really, really needed it...

It's been 14 days since my last orgasm. My boyfriend, Paul, has promised me that I will eventually get to cum... and cum frequently... but he has not been specific about when that will happen. On one hand not knowing makes my denial harder because I'm always holding out hope that maybe I'll get to cum soon. On the other hand not knowing makes it easier because I don't have to worry about making the decision. Paul has hinted that I might have to wait until Valentine's day but he refuses to admit to that plan.

Although I am physically very frustrated right now, I do enjoy my denied state. I feel very sexual and my body is exquisitely sensitive to touch. I've found that making love while feeling like this is blissful in a way I never really experienced before. Just having my body touched and stroked is deeply pleasurable and arousing. I ache with need for Paul. When he penetrates me and cums inside of me, I feel satisifed on one level. Yet without the orgasm my body is left hungry for more and screaming for release.

As I've mentioned to some of you in the chatroom, I have a new love interest in my life these days... a wonderful man named Paul. We've been seeing each other for about a month now and things are going great both in and out of the bedroom.

We spent most of the New Year's weekend together and during that time the subject of our kinks and fantasies came up. I took a deep breath and told him about my submissive fantasies and my interest in orgasm denial and control. We ended up talking a lot about it and we had a very frank and open conversation. To make a long story short: he is interested in exploring these things with me! He did make it clear, however, that he likes my orgasms and does not want me denied indefinitely. We agreed that it was the control that was important and, after much discussion, we decided that he will control my orgasms for as long as we are together, starting immediately.

This has been a crazy, busy week for me at work. I didn't get a chance to tease myself Wednesday night or at all on Thursday. This gave me a bit of a break which ended up helping me stay in control. Tonight at midnight will be 15 days denied for me. I haven't gone without an orgasm this long since I started masturbating as a teen! I feel a certain amount of pride for my accomplishment, although I realize that 15 days is not that long compared to what some of you have done.

I did tease myself last night before bed and I was amazed at how quickly my body responded. I was on the edge after only a couple of minutes of gentle stroking. I ended up spending maybe 20 minutes masturbating, with most of that time being close or very close to orgasm. I touched my clit very slowly and very lightly, yet that was all that I needed to keep near the edge. My body is definitely a lot more sensitive now than when I'm not denied.

Tonight at midnight will be nine days without an orgasm for me. Right now I'm very much on edge and in need. I want to find a way to sustain an orgasm-free lifestyle while still being teased regularly but I am struggling with that.

When I went to visit family over Thanksgiving last week I had thought to not masturbate at all on Wednesday or Thursday. However, Wednesday night I couldn't resist. I teased myself late that night, in the very same bed where I had my first ever orgasm. At first I wanted to make it a short session and not too intense, but it didn't work out that way. I spent maybe 45 minutes teasing, with much of that time feeling very aroused, and I brought myself to the edge of orgasm many times. Actually letting myself cum was out of the question, of course. For one thing it would have been a serious violation of the 24 hour rule. Also I didn't want my mother, sleeping just down the hall, to hear my cries. Normally I can cum quietly if necessary but after five days of denial and 45 minutes of teasing I seriously doubted my ability to contain myself.

The day of my release is finally here but I can't enjoy any orgasms yet. To reach the full 12 days of denial I must wait until this evening; I set 6:00pm as the time when I'm allowed to cum. It is morning now. I still have several hours of denial to go.

I slept nude last night, enjoying the sensuous feeling of the sheets against my sensitive body. I masturbated a little, but not much. I didn't want to get too worked up and then not be able to sleep. This morning, though, I masturbated a lot. I started in the bathroom right after I awoke. I did it standing up, with one foot on the toliet seat, fucking myself with a small bottle of body wash that I keep in the shower. I held on to the capped end and put the thick end into me. Although small, the bottle was thicker than any cock I've had and it felt wonderfully perverted to be penetrating myself with it. I didn't put it in far, but it stretched me open very nicely and felt great.

Tonight it's been eight days without an orgasm for me. I've been masturbating daily and, in fact, today I masturbated twice... once in the morning and then again just a little while ago. I feel very much in need. As I write this I am quite wet and I know that with only a little stimulation I could easily have a terrific orgasm. Tonight while I was masturbating I almost decided to cut my denial short and let myself cum, but as soon as I started thinking that way I stopped touching myself. I don't want to loose control, especially with only a few more days to go before my release on Saturday. Yet I want to touch myself now very much and my fingers keep finding their way between my legs...