chastity's blog

Well, a few days into my year of denial, and I still feel good.

Denial is like this rich bubble of promise, hovering round my pelvis. I can feel it, I enjoy it, I smile to myself when I realise it’s there.

And so it begins, one whole year of not cumming, not orgasming, no release, no days off – just service, giving pleasure to Sir, making his life easier, letting him use my body.

This is the most submissive I have ever been to anyone. Sir is the most dominant that anyone has ever been with me. It’s scary, but I like it.

Well, it’s been an interesting few days!

Christmas Day was hard in some ways for me – Sir used my mouth very hard in the morning, leaving me sore and disgruntled that I hadn’t cum. I had to just get on with the day, serving him, getting used to the idea that it wasn’t about my pleasure anymore, it was about being a good service slave and putting his needs first.

According to my little count-up timer, which is neatly installed in the top right of my desktop, merrily clicking away, reminding me that my last orgasm is getting further away every second. It's in black, with red letters, and the title says 'time since subbie's last (ever?) orgasm'. Everytime I open or close a window, go to click something on my desktop, there it is, letting me know that my denial could be for so, so long, and there's nothing I can do about it.

One of the things I like to do when Sir is away and I'm cock and orgasm deprived, is to have a picture of Sir's cock on my phone or desktop. Recently he's been sending me horny pictures of his hard on, his naked body and his cum just after wanking. It turns me on so much and reminds me of everything he has that I can't, he can touch himself, pleasure himself, make himself cum.

I just read back through all my posts since I joined this site, and the journey of denial that we have been on.

One of the things I love about keeping a diary, is that overview of your life, the sense of perspective you get when you read back. I was reading on this blog about how I got pierced last November (the 22nd it turned out to be, Sir and I couldn't remember) and how I was denied going up to Christmas. It occurred to me how pleased I am to be denied again now, waiting for Christmas.

Or at least I think it was a ruined orgasm...

Sir told me to put on the posture collar, the black nipple clamps with the chain passed around the slats on the headboard, and then edge for 10 minutes. As soon as I started I wanted to cum, but I breathed and tried to disassociate myself from the pain and the pleasure and the urge to orgasm.

So it's been 2 weeks now, of daily edging, with a smattering of clamps and insertables thrown in.

Mostly I edge once a day, for around 10 minutes, sometimes twice. I've never edged like this before, I get so damn close to that orgasm, I can feel it starting to form in Sir's pussy right before I stop. And I've been pushing that envelope pretty far, pushing my luck.

That's how long Sir is denying me for. I have to edge at least once a day, more if he says so. Sir is away for another 2 weeks, so this is our way of maintaining our power exchange, of keeping on the edge, and hungry for when he returns.

Am just sat here, absolutely soaking my knickers after the most gorgeous, amazing, fantastic sex ever.

I’ve had a cold for the last few days, and my brain is like cotton wool. On waking up yesterday I felt better than I had done, and horny, and I happily rolled over and gave myself an orgasm, even letting myself moan gently so that Sir might hear me in the living room, taunting him with my freedom. And, confuddled as I was, it wasn’t until a few hours later when Sir slid his hand between my legs to rub his pussy, and told me no orgasms today, that it even occurred to me that I’m not supposed to masturbate when we have a day off together. Unfortunately for me, even that realisation didn’t come until after I had already smugly blurted out ‘Too late for that my dear! You have to be quick round here.” And was grinning triumphantly when I suddenly realised, and then he grinned and told me I was banned from orgasming for 2 days.