Sue Donym's blog

This is not like any normal post here. Normally I would be here for fun, for new ideas, and for arousal. Tonight I find myself in a really strange mood. I have had a few too many drinks. I just might end up regretting posting this. But at the moment I have an overwhelming urge to express myself.

A few weeks ago yet another relationship ended and once again I heard for just one time too many that I was some sort of weird unnatural freak because I was constantly interested in sex, and always ready for it. For some reason this particular time it weighed heavily on me. I decided to check with my doctor just in case there was something to this.

For the last couple of weeks I have undergone quite a number of medical tests. At first it was just my doctor, but as the results started to come in and their strangeness became apparent, more and more specialists have become involved. Last night I had to undergo a sleep study which involved me being wired up to monitors and then watched all night to see heart rate, breathing patterns, etc continuously through the night as I relaxed and then slept.

I did not want to be caught out horny, so I made sure I masturbated to orgasm several times before I left home for the hospital. I might as well not have tried because once I was finished all the paperwork and wired up and then left alone I started to feel horny. I suspect that it may have had something to do with knowing that there was nothing I could do about it. I ended up laying awake for hours being really aroused, not really enjoying how it felt, and just wishing it would all go away so I could relax. Its one thing to be desperately craving release on purpose to intensify the experience, but it takes on a whole different dimension when you really don’t want it.

I have had a great month, with somebody who I thought was going to be really special, but sadly things failed to work out like I had hoped, and now I find myself single and alone again. This weekend I went up to the coast and stayed with a friend who was staying with her mum in a unit up there. Last night we went out clubbing, and I had sex in a car with someone we had just met. I felt kind of bad afterwards, but it was still something I had really needed. Before eventually going to sleep I told myself that today would be a no touch day.

This morning I woke up early and went and sat in a park overlooking the beach, and found myself fairly quickly fascinated by the seemingly endless stream of walkers and joggers passing by. It was beautiful surroundings and was not really surprising that so many should be out and enjoying it. Most were in groups and it didn’t take long for it to strike me how alone I felt. I had an empty feeling inside and a strangely strong desire to be held, and touched. I tried to distract myself and found I was concentrating on the joggers. So many of them looked so fit and healthy and muscular, not at all like my scrawny body. I also noticed how many of the more serious seeming joggers were wearing little black stretch shorts. It seemed like almost some sort of uniform or something. They were certainly very effective at showing off the shape of the wearer.

I am on top of the world and have just had a wonderful weekend where anything but denial was on my mind. After my last effort I was so ready to do that again that I started again on Tuesday. By Friday I was on day 4. Already a new record for me, and I had been constantly horny all day. I had been through several periods where I was getting close to the point of no return, that is to say I was having spontaneous mini orgasms with no touching, but these were giving me no satisfaction at all, and just leaving me feeling more and more desperately wanting a proper release.

It was mid afternoon when the phone rang and it was a girl I used to go to school with. Several years ago we had had some casual sex, but never really got into a proper relationship or anything like that. I had not seen her for more than six months, and at that stage she had been with somebody else. She wanted to know if I would consider going out clubbing with a group of friends, and some of them I already knew. I probably would have said yes any other time, but in the state I already was, I did not think I would have been able to. Of course I could not tell her exactly that, so I just said I was not sure what I wanted to do. She asked if she could come around and see me then, and without thinking it through I said yes. Then I realized how I had just complicated things for myself, but I still figured I could get through it.

Yesterday I reached what for me is a personal record. I made it to day three before having an O. I know that to many people that is probably just part of normal life, but for me it is actually quite an achievement. I have reached a whole new level of self control, and also have been rewarded with a whole new level of intensity of feelings that I never knew could happen.

The last five hours or so I was pretty much on the edge most of the time and that was without touching myself at all, before I finally spontaneously went over the edge even though I was trying so hard not to. It was amazingly intense. Now that I have experienced such extreme feelings I can start to understand how and why people can deny themselves orgasm for longer periods of time. I will certainly be doing this again soon. It was absolutely fantastic.

I just have a few spare minutes so I thought I’d drop in here to say that although recent times have been difficult for me, I have still somehow found several wonderful new people and managed to have some amazing sex including some denial but I now feel caught on something of a moral or ethical dilemma. I think I need a bit of time but when I get my head around the implications of what I have done, I expect I will write about it here in some detail.

A recent family catastrophy has left me quite shaken up, and very fragile. I have not been here for nearly two weeks, and probably will not be here all that regularly for a while.

Its not that I have given up interest, just that now is not a good time for me.

I have finally done it. I did not think I could. Last night was the first night for well over six years that I went without an orgasm. I had been kind of trying on and off for the last couple of weeks, but I decided to put in a real effort and actually do it.

I knew from experience that if I even started to arouse myself I would not be able to make it, so I tried to keep myself busy and avoid all sexy thoughts, but by the time I got to bed I was still so conditioned to giving myself an orgasm to get to sleep, that I lay awake restless and frustrated for most of the night. It was well after 4:00AM that I finally must have fallen asleep.